Living without 100%, choosing less, and rethinking love and singlehood.
MONTHLY REMINDERReader, you do not need to feel 100% to have a good day. We can become so focused on how we feel that we overlook what a day is still able to hold. A difficult morning can soften. Low energy can exist alongside laughter. Grief can sit beside connection. Pain, worry or tiredness may be present without occupying every part of the day. Sometimes a good day is one in which something nourishing, meaningful or unexpectedly lovely finds its way in. Allowing room for that complexity can loosen the pressure to feel completely well before we let ourselves enjoy what is here. A day does not have to be perfect to contain something worth receiving. REFLECTION PROMPTS:
NOVEMBER'S REFLECTION PROMPTIn November, I will notice what is asking for less of me. I will honour this by… Some things remain in our lives long after they have stopped needing the same amount of energy, attention or effort. We can keep responding out of habit, responsibility or fear, without noticing that the demand has changed. This month is an invitation to pay attention to where less might now be enough: less explaining, less striving, less monitoring, less carrying, less urgency. Sometimes making space begins by recognising what no longer requires so much of us. 2 QUOTES WORTH PONDERING
“What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.”
Source: Seneca, Moral Letters to Lucilius, Letter 6. Seneca attributes the line to Hecato.
REFLECTION PROMPTS:
2. American writer David Foster Wallace on attachment, release and the difficulty of letting go: “Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.”
Source: Infinite Jest. In the novel, the line appears on the wall of a bedroom in a recovery house.
REFLECTION PROMPTS:
NEW ESSAYMy latest essay, Singlehood, Men, and Me, is now available to read. It explores the stories we inherit about love and partnership, the relationships we choose from where we are, the four ways women can become functions, and what singlehood can make possible when it is allowed to be a life in its own right. It also sits with the grief inside all of this: the lives we choose, the lives we do not, and the losses that can exist even inside a life that feels sincerely ours. You can access the essay and reflection prompts here. The accompanying essay video will also be released on YouTube in the next few days. NOW AVAILABLE
POPULAR IN OCTOBERPHILOSOPHICAL QUESTIONS ON GRIEF AND HEALING – Q17: What becomes of us when we survive but lose our innocence? (a 3-minute watch)
PODCAST EPISODE 63: 2 Weather Sayings to Help You Through Challenging Times (a 2-minute listen)
INSTAGRAM (@rbccmnq) YOUR MONTHLY BREAST CANCER REMINDERThis is your gentle reminder to check your breasts. Becoming familiar with what is normal for you can help you notice changes early. Paying attention to your health is an act of care, awareness, and advocacy for your future self. You can learn the key signs and symptoms here. In August 2025, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I shared openly about it on Instagram – the loss, grief, trauma, inner-healing and self-care that comes with it – and from that tender space I created what I needed most: a reflective journal to walk me through the first 30 days. 30 Days Through Breast Cancer is available as a free resource for anyone affected. Please feel welcome to pass it on to those who may need it. Thankfully my diagnosis was early, and my focus now is on ongoing care, recovery, and deep listening to my body. You can find more about my journey and resources on my breast cancer page. GENTLE REFLECTIONS FOR THOSE NAVIGATING HEALTH GRIEFThe Grief of Needing More Health changes can alter how much we need from ourselves, other people and the structures around us. We may need more rest, more time, more support, more appointments, more flexibility or more consideration than we once did. Even when those needs are reasonable, recognising them can bring grief. Sometimes what hurts is the contrast with who we remember ourselves being. We may miss the ease of doing something without planning around energy, symptoms or recovery. We may feel frustrated by needing help with something we once managed alone, or uncomfortable taking up more space, time or care than we are accustomed to receiving. Our needs can change without becoming evidence that we are failing. Part of living with health change may involve learning what support makes life more possible now, and allowing ourselves to receive it without continually comparing our present capacity with an earlier version of ourselves. REFLECTION PROMPTS:
SPOTIFY PLAYLISTSSoul-stirring. Empowering. Wholesome. This one’s for the moments when you remember who you are. A musical exhale—part prayer, part power, part poetic awakening. Let it carry you into the marrow of your truth, especially on days when you forget how luminous you’ve always been.
Griefy. A playlist for the ache that won’t be rushed. 'Griefy' is a tender companion for the days when your heart feels too full, too empty, or both at once. These songs don’t try to fix it—they sit with you in the softness, the silence, the sacred unraveling.
SUBSCRIBER RESOURCESEssay and Reflection Prompts: When Abusers Die Essay and Reflective Practice: What Healing Really Looks Like + Secondary Losses and Grief Gains Racial Trauma and Grief – Reflective Journal Who do you know would benefit from or appreciate this content? Be sure to share this muse-letter with them by forwarding on this email. USEFUL LINKSLet's stay connected. Here's where else you can find me: Website | Podcast | Blog | Instagram | Recommended Reading List* You can view the muse-letter archive here. Not yet subscribed? You can sign up to this muse-letter here. New to the mailing list? You can view the archive of the first few editions here. About this muse-letter: You're receiving this email because you've subscribed to my mailing list. You'll typically receive an email from me once a month. Rarely will I send stand-alone emails about promotions, new products or services, and partnerships. Affiliate links within my emails are marked with an asterisk (*). Update your subscription preferences: You can unsubscribe from 'Reflect with Rebecca-Monique', or manage your subscriber profile via the respective links below. |
Rebecca-Monique (rbccmnq)
MONTHLY REMINDER Reader, today may feel heavy, but today is not forever. Some days seem to take up a lot of space. Pain, fear, uncertainty, exhaustion or grief can make the present feel larger than the future. When we are living through something difficult, it is easy to mistake the intensity of a moment for permanence. But a difficult day is still a day. It can be painful and consuming without telling us what comes next. Life moves, bodies change, circumstances shift, feelings soften,...
MONTHLY REMINDER Reader, you can make the right decision and still grieve what that decision costs. Some decisions bring relief and loss in the same breath. You can know that leaving was necessary and still miss what you left. You can set a boundary and mourn the closeness it changes. You can choose a new direction and grieve the future that will no longer happen. Even decisions made with clarity can carry consequences we wish we did not have to bear. Grief after a decision does not...
MONTHLY REMINDER Reader, you don’t have to make someone the villain to remove them from your life. Sometimes we search for a dramatic reason to leave. One of the stories we often tell ourselves is that every ending requires someone to be wrong. Yet not every relationship ends because someone is cruel, abusive, or malicious. Relationships can be meaningful and still come to an end. Someone can have good qualities and still not be good for us. Sometimes values no longer align. Sometimes trust...