Grieving what choices cost, seeing what is already here, and holding space for life’s contradictions.
MONTHLY REMINDERReader, you can make the right decision and still grieve what that decision costs. Some decisions bring relief and loss in the same breath. You can know that leaving was necessary and still miss what you left. You can set a boundary and mourn the closeness it changes. You can choose a new direction and grieve the future that will no longer happen. Even decisions made with clarity can carry consequences we wish we did not have to bear. Grief after a decision does not necessarily mean the decision was wrong. Sometimes grief is simply our acknowledgement that something mattered, that there was something worth mourning, or that choosing one life meant relinquishing another. We can honour what a decision cost us without using that pain as evidence that we should undo it. REFLECTION PROMPTS:
SEPTEMBER'S REFLECTION PROMPTIn September, I will stop measuring my life by what is missing. I will lean into this by… Absence can become a powerful measuring stick. The relationship we do not have, the opportunity that did not arrive, the version of ourselves we have not become, or the life we imagined we would be living by now can quietly become the standard against which everything else is judged. This month invites us to widen the frame and notice what is present alongside what is absent. There may be parts of our lives worthy of our attention that become difficult to see when we are always looking towards the empty space. 2 QUOTES WORTH PONDERING
“And when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. What do you call it? Freedom or loneliness?” REFLECTION PROMPTS:
2. A quote widely attributed to 13th-century Persian poet and Sufi mystic Rumi on finding light within ourselves: “If everything around seems dark, look again. You may be the light.” REFLECTION PROMPTS:
ESSAY: DIAMONDS AND DUSTThis month, I’m sharing my latest essay, Diamonds and Dust: On Health Grief, Mortality, and the Art of Participating in Life. I began piecing this essay together from the fragments I had gathered throughout my experience of breast cancer: journal entries, voice notes, observations and questions recorded during diagnosis, treatment and recovery. Over time, those fragments became an exploration of something larger: What happens to our relationship with life when mortality stops being an abstract idea and becomes something we have felt in the body? Diamonds and Dust is an essay about health grief, our relationship with the body during and after illness, legacy, survivorship and learning how to participate in life while knowing that none of it is promised. You can read and download the essay here. NOW AVAILABLE
POPULAR IN AUGUSTYOUTUBE: What Happens When the Person Who Harmed You Dies? (a 16-minute watch)
PODCAST EPISODE 2: Villains, Victims, and Heroes (a 3-minute listen)
INSTAGRAM (@rbccmnq) YOUR MONTHLY BREAST CANCER REMINDERThis is your gentle monthly reminder to check your breasts and stay connected to your body. Becoming familiar with what is normal for you can help you notice changes early. Paying attention to your health is an act of care, awareness, and advocacy for your future self. You can learn the key signs and symptoms here. In August 2025, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I shared openly about it on Instagram – the loss, grief, trauma, inner-healing and self-care that comes with it – and from that tender space I created what I needed most: a reflective journal to walk me through the first 30 days. 30 Days Through Breast Cancer is available as a free resource for anyone affected. Please feel welcome to pass it on to those who may need it. Thankfully my diagnosis was early, and my focus now is on ongoing care, recovery, and deep listening to my body. You can find more about my journey and resources on my breast cancer page. GENTLE REFLECTIONS FOR THOSE NAVIGATING HEALTH GRIEFBegin where you are. Health changes can leave us negotiating with reality. We may compare today's body with the one we had before, today's capacity with what we once managed, or today's life with the version we thought we would be living. There is grief in those comparisons, and sometimes important truths within them. But healing also asks us to become acquainted with what is here now. Beginning where you are means allowing your present reality to become a starting point rather than something you must first overcome. What does your body need today? What is possible with the energy you actually have? What might care look like from here? We can hold faith for what may change while still learning how to meet ourselves in the life and body we inhabit now. REFLECTION PROMPTS:
SPOTIFY PLAYLISTSSoul-stirring. Empowering. Wholesome. This one’s for the moments when you remember who you are. A musical exhale—part prayer, part power, part poetic awakening. Let it carry you into the marrow of your truth, especially on days when you forget how luminous you’ve always been.
Griefy. A playlist for the ache that won’t be rushed. 'Griefy' is a tender companion for the days when your heart feels too full, too empty, or both at once. These songs don’t try to fix it—they sit with you in the softness, the silence, the sacred unraveling.
SUBSCRIBER RESOURCESEssay and reflection prompts: When Abusers Die Essay and Reflective Practice: What Healing Really Looks Like + Secondary Losses and Grief Gains Racial Trauma and Grief – Reflective Journal Who do you know would benefit from or appreciate this content? Be sure to share this muse-letter with them by forwarding on this email. USEFUL LINKSLet's stay connected. Here's where else you can find me: Website | Podcast | Blog | Instagram | Recommended Reading List* You can view the muse-letter archive here. Not yet subscribed? You can sign up to this muse-letter here. New to the mailing list? You can view the archive of the first few editions here. About this muse-letter: You're receiving this email because you've subscribed to my mailing list. You'll typically receive an email from me once a month. Rarely will I send stand-alone emails about promotions, new products or services, and partnerships. Affiliate links within my emails are marked with an asterisk (*). Update your subscription preferences: You can unsubscribe from 'Reflect with Rebecca-Monique', or manage your subscriber profile via the respective links below. |
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MONTHLY REMINDER Reader, you don’t have to make someone the villain to remove them from your life. Sometimes we search for a dramatic reason to leave. One of the stories we often tell ourselves is that every ending requires someone to be wrong. Yet not every relationship ends because someone is cruel, abusive, or malicious. Relationships can be meaningful and still come to an end. Someone can have good qualities and still not be good for us. Sometimes values no longer align. Sometimes trust...
MONTHLY REMINDER Reader, you do not have to heal perfectly to be healing well. We can sometimes treat healing as something to optimise, monitor, and master. Yet healing rarely unfolds in straight lines. It is interrupted by life, relationships, seasons, responsibilities, joy, exhaustion, and ordinary human messiness. Sometimes it looks like resting instead of journalling. Sometimes it looks like forgetting a practice and returning to it later. Sometimes it looks like getting frustrated,...
MONTHLY REMINDER Reader, patterns are proof. When the same behaviour repeats, believe it once it becomes clear. We can spend a long time negotiating with what we already understand, hoping for a different outcome, a different explanation, or a different version of someone or something. Discernment asks us to pay attention to what is consistently true. REFLECTION PROMPTS: What have I already understood but not yet fully accepted? Where am I hoping for an exception instead of noticing the...