Healing imperfectly, allowing ourselves to be human, and making room for joy.
MONTHLY REMINDERReader, you do not have to heal perfectly to be healing well. We can sometimes treat healing as something to optimise, monitor, and master. Yet healing rarely unfolds in straight lines. It is interrupted by life, relationships, seasons, responsibilities, joy, exhaustion, and ordinary human messiness. Sometimes it looks like resting instead of journalling. Sometimes it looks like forgetting a practice and returning to it later. Sometimes it looks like getting frustrated, feeling discouraged, or realising you still have tender places within you. Healing is not undone by interruption, inconsistency, or difficult days. It asks for commitment, yes, but also for spaciousness, flexibility, and compassion. REFLECTION PROMPTS:
JULY'S REFLECTION PROMPTIn July, I will allow myself to be human. We often extend grace, patience, and understanding to others, while expecting ourselves to navigate life flawlessly. Yet being human means changing our minds, missing a ritual, feeling disappointed, needing rest, reacting imperfectly, or returning to practices we once felt certain we had mastered. This month is an invitation to loosen the grip of self-expectation and make room for your own humanity. 2 QUOTES WORTH PONDERING
"Healing is the process of becoming intimate with all that has happened to us."
Source: Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening (2000)
REFLECTION PROMPTS:
2. Poet and philosopher John O'Donohue on gentleness and self-compassion: "May you have the wisdom to enter generously into your own unease."
Source: John O'Donohue, To Bless the Space Between Us (2008)
REFLECTION PROMPTS:
NEW ESSAY: WHEN ABUSERS DIEThis month, I publish the essay: When Abusers Die: On Grieving People Who Were Also Wounds. It is the third essay I have released this year from Daughter of the Soil, my anthology of reflective essays on grief, healing, womanhood and race. This piece explores the complicated grief that can surface when someone who harmed, frightened, controlled, abandoned, neglected or failed us dies. It asks what happens when death ends the person, but not the impact of what happened. What do we do with relief, anger, numbness, guilt, sorrow, tenderness, unfinished questions and the pressure to forgive? In the essay, I write about disenfranchised grief, ambiguous loss, betrayal trauma, posthumous sanitisation, forgiveness without consent, and the possibility of release without erasing memory. Alongside the wider reflections, I share parts of my own story, including experiences with an abusive childhood caregiver and a romantic partner. It is an essay for the grief that does not fit neatly inside public sympathy. For the people mourning not only who died, but what never arrived: the apology, the safety, the repair, the relationship that might have been. You can read the full essay here, alongside some reflective prompts to help you explore what remains unfinished, what you do not owe, and what you may be ready to set down. NOW AVAILABLE
POPULAR IN JUNEYOUTUBE: Why Does Healing Feel Worse Before It Feels Better? (a 25-minute watch)
PODCAST EPISODE 40: Instructions for life. (a 2-minute listen)
INSTAGRAM (@rbccmnq) YOUR MONTHLY BREAST CANCER REMINDERThis is your gentle monthly reminder to check your breasts and stay connected to your body. Becoming familiar with what is normal for you can help you notice changes early. Paying attention to your health is an act of care, awareness, and advocacy for your future self. You can learn the key signs and symptoms here. In August 2025 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I shared openly about it on Instagram – the loss, grief, trauma, inner-healing and self-care that comes with it – and from that tender space I created what I needed most: a reflective journal to walk me through the first 30 days. 30 Days Through Breast Cancer is available as a free resource for anyone affected. Please feel welcome to pass it on to those who may need it. Thankfully my diagnosis was early, and my focus now is on treatment, healing and deep listening to my body. You can find more about my journey and resources on my breast cancer page. GENTLE REFLECTIONS FOR THOSE NAVIGATING HEALTH GRIEFHealth challenges can change our relationship with pleasure. We may find ourselves postponing joy until we feel stronger, healthier, more certain, or more like ourselves again. Sometimes pleasure can even feel unfamiliar, indulgent, or difficult to trust. Yet reclaiming pleasure is not a betrayal of what has been hard. Rather, it can be a way of remembering that we are more than our diagnoses, appointments, treatments, symptoms, or fears. This month asks you to notice what still delights, nourishes, and enlivens you, and to allow those experiences to belong alongside your healing. REFLECTION PROMPTS:
SPOTIFY PLAYLISTSSoul-stirring. Empowering. Wholesome. This one’s for the moments when you remember who you are. A musical exhale—part prayer, part power, part poetic awakening. Let it carry you into the marrow of your truth, especially on days when you forget how luminous you’ve always been.
Griefy. A playlist for the ache that won’t be rushed. 'Griefy' is a tender companion for the days when your heart feels too full, too empty, or both at once. These songs don’t try to fix it—they sit with you in the softness, the silence, the sacred unraveling.
SUBSCRIBER RESOURCESEssay and reflection prompts: When Abusers Die Essay and Reflective Practice: What Healing Really Looks Like + Secondary Losses and Grief Gains Racial Trauma and Grief – Reflective Journal Who do you know would benefit from or appreciate this content? Be sure to share this muse-letter with them by forwarding on this email. USEFUL LINKSLet's stay connected. Here's where else you can find me: Website | Podcast | Blog | Instagram | Recommended Reading List* You can view the muse-letter archive here. Not yet subscribed? You can sign up to this muse-letter here. New to the mailing list? You can view the archive of the first few editions here. About this muse-letter: You're receiving this email because you've subscribed to my mailing list. You'll typically receive an email from me once a month. Rarely will I send stand-alone emails about promotions, new products or services, and partnerships. Affiliate links within my emails are marked with an asterisk (*). Update your subscription preferences: You can unsubscribe from 'Reflect with Rebecca-Monique', or manage your subscriber profile via the respective links below. |
Rebecca-Monique (rbccmnq)
MONTHLY REMINDER Reader, patterns are proof. When the same behaviour repeats, believe it once it becomes clear. We can spend a long time negotiating with what we already understand, hoping for a different outcome, a different explanation, or a different version of someone or something. Discernment asks us to pay attention to what is consistently true. REFLECTION PROMPTS: What have I already understood but not yet fully accepted? Where am I hoping for an exception instead of noticing the...
MONTHLY REMINDER Reader, you cannot expect people to be who they are not. Some grief comes from the gap between who we hoped someone would be and who they have shown themselves to be. Acceptance does not always mean approval; sometimes it means finally telling the truth without dressing it in potential. This month, may you release the exhausting labour of trying to make reality become more loving, available, honest, or capable than it is. REFLECTION PROMPTS: Where am I relating to someone’s...
MONTHLY REMINDER Reader, small changes can still change a life. We often think change has to be dramatic to matter. A new job, a new city, a big decision, a clear turning point. But most lives are actually shaped by smaller shifts: a new habit, a boundary set, a conversation had, a walk taken, a decision made quietly, a way of thinking slowly changing. Never underestimate the direction of small changes; they are often how a life changes. REFLECTION PROMPTS: What small change has already made...